Too many times when I was in school, I’d walk to my next class and hear guys walking past me talking about how they got laid, or hearing the girls talking about who they managed to sleep with at so-and-so’s party. I was never one to go to those parties, preferring the alcohol-free fun my friends and I had on the weekends. I always wondered what it would be like to go to those parties and do those things along with those girls. I seriously considered it once, seriously considering losing my virginity just to see what it was like. I was very lucky in that my sister intuitively knew that something was going on with me.
She sat me down and started to talk to me. I halfway tuned her out but I halfway listened. She’s two years older than me, had a steady boyfriend for over a year by then. She told me that she knew what I was thinking about, and that she didn’t think I knew what I was doing. She told me that she and her boyfriend were having sex, and that it changes things. She said, “you think it’s just about the physical, about ‘getting laid’ and all of that, but it isn’t. There’re a lot of emotions involved.” She went on to describe how, especially the first time, you can have a lot of regrets. Especially if you haven’t been with that person for a long time, it’ll make things awkward between you and your partner. It’ll mess up how you react to various stimuli in your relationship. Instead of arguing, you’ll end up having sex and then getting upset about it later. Instead of knowing how to show love other than sex, you’ll associate sex with love. The two are not the same!
Before I started writing this, I talked to a guy I know about the emotional side of sex. We also discussed issues on male enhancement and how much stamina an average male must have. It’s weird that I’d ask him, considering he’s a virgin as well, but I figured he could at least give me an idea. He said that he’d tried doing things but said, “i wonder what crucial element it is that im missing.” I was stunned: that is exactly what I was looking for. A lot of my friends are now in long term relationships, and a lot of them have mentioned that now that they’ve been with their partner (sex-free) for nearly a year (they mostly hooked up around the same time) that they find even kissing is much more intense. They know their partner, at times they can even predict their partner’s reaction to something that happens, and they feel an emotional attachment to that person. Knowing the person makes it so much more meaningful and, in all honesty, makes you feel the effects of it much easier, and will leave you with what I call “the floaty feeling” (when your head feels all dizzy from the kiss) for much longer.
Keep this in mind next time you think you’re ready for sex. It’s more than just a good time. It’s an emotional experience, and should be treated very carefully. Sex is more than just a good lay. It’s a choice you make that will change everything.
